Bumper Stickers

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have more fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

How do "Stay off the Grass" signs get there?

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous.

I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me send money.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

You don't have to be dead to move towards the Light